Meltdown

So Friday afternoon I had a meltdown in the HR Director's office. After spending my morning fixing a machine that was deployed to do a specific job without the critical piece of hardware needed to do that specific job and discovering that a co-worker was using out-dated procedures to complete tasks, I'd reached the breaking point. I even took a nice extra-long lunch to try and adjust my attitude, but there was no turning back the clock. That camel's back done broke.

And I didn't even go to HR to discuss it right then and there. I just wanted to make sure that HR could find time in their schedule for me the following Monday, once I'd had time to calm down, reflect, organize my concerns and even possibly offer some solutions rather than just blathering on about all the things that are wrong with my department. Well that was not to be. The Director took one look at my face, closed the door and told me that I looked like I needed to talk, let's do it now.

I flitted over all the issues in my usual rambling, incoherent, couldn't ad-lib if my life depended on it fashion. I know I got my points across and I managed to do it without mascara running down my face like an over-heated Elvira on crack. But I didn't get to offer solutions like I wanted. I've lots of ideas to get the department back on track but since I've spent the last six months complaining about things that never got changed I figured that maybe the problem in the department is me, not my supervisor, not my co-workers. All those wonderful ideas are covered with dust in the back of my head.

So I took HR's advice to have a relaxing weekend and try not to think about it. Some of the issues I raised they're aware of , others they were not. I really do like the people I work with, and I'm not looking to get anyone in trouble but really, if they don't want to do a better job then they need to quit dragging the rest of us down with them. Or at least the company needs to stop punishing the whole department for the actions of a few. It's worse than grade school!

I did spend a little time this weekend putting together a list of suggestions for improvements. Perhaps I'll even get to share them with the company...if my supervisor doesn't fire me for being a rat-fink.